Just Keep Swimming
I don’t know a ton of technical swimming techniques – I never took lessons – but I LOVE being near the water. I unexpectedly learned that if I can manage to keep my legs kicking and arms propelling me forward, I can manage to stay alive in the water that I love to hang out in. By unexpectedly, I mean that I once thought I was going to drown in Tallulah Gorge, but thank God I’m still alive!
I don’t know much about swimming; but what I DO know is that if I ever wound up in over my head in water, giving up would end in definitive drowning.
After a few weeks of avoidance, I finally forced myself to sit with my feelings and write in my journal. It was on a day that my failures and shortcomings stared me straight in the face. I sat in my bed, with journal and pen, ready to spill everything that had been pent up inside. But as ink met the pages, the only thing that I could muster to write was “I Quit”. I knew that something was wrong. There were feelings that I didn’t want to deal with, lies that I didn’t want to admit I was believing, and faithful steps that I didn’t want to take. Of all the things that I didn’t want to do, at the top of the list was drowning.
Quitting means drowning, and I don’t want to drown.
Instead of leaving it there, I decided to deal with and pray through some things. Why did I want to quit? What made me believe that giving up was my only resort?
I’m going to be vulnerable and let you in on a little secret — being a missionary is hard. It doesn’t matter how rewarding it is. It doesn’t matter how lovely the environment. It doesn’t matter how supportive the team. This is a difficult job. And if you sit with it long enough and take inventory of everything that being a missionary requires of you, you might just end up wanting to quit a time or two (or ten).
Seth Barnes, the Founder and CEO of Adventures in Missions, wrote:
“Fighting for the freedom of others is messy. Christians who want to stay clean and comfortable will never be liberators.”
A liberator is someone who empowers others to move from a place of oppression to a place of freedom. As a missionary, this is what I desire to do. I want to free others to hope, to dream, to believe, to achieve, and to succeed, but is it worth radically changing my lifestyle for it?
If I have to go from living in my own 3 bedroom townhouse in the city to a 3 roommate apartment on the outskirts of nowhere, is it worth it?
If my salary drastically decreases, is it worth it?
If I have to choose which holiday, Thanksgiving or Christmas, to spend with my family because I can’t go home for both of them, it it worth it?
If I’m constantly battling fear and rejection due to not raising the needed financial support required to continue down this path, is it worth it?
If I don’t see immediate fruit or am unable to communicate the true value of the work that I do, is it worth it?
The long hours, the weekend shifts, the missed events, the burden bearing, the counseling, the discipleship, the growth, the awakening, the possibility that someone will have a brighter future because of the love and investment that I’m allowed to give – is it worth it?
I’ve chosen to dedicate my life to the cause of freedom. And yes, it’s all worth it.
True freedom is always worth the price paid for it. That’s why Jesus died.
2 days before I resigned to quitting in my journal, I took a spiritual gifts test. I’d taken this test a few times before, and there was no particular reason other than mere curiosity for me to decide to take it again. I was met with results that, while reassuring, weren’t surprising – my #1 spiritual gift is faith.
Faith is the reason that I’m working at Adventures in Missions rather than my previous job as a software engineer. Faith is the reason that I believe God’s will for me is good, even when my reality is less than what I desire. My gift of faith is powerful enough to move mountains; obviously it is this same faith that the enemy chooses to attack. And when all I want to do is give up, I am reminded that God has gifted me with faith to stand on God’s word rather than my circumstance. When my flesh is too exhausted to say anything more than ‘I Quit’, my faith gives me the extra push I need to keep swimming anyway.
You may also be wondering if what you’re doing, how you’re serving, or what you’re giving is worth it. You may be wondering what difference one person will make in light of the big picture. You may be wondering if your prayers do anything. Trust me, it matters and it is worth it. God is in control of the big picture and the grand scale, but you can control how you want to be involved.
If my mission is to set the captives free, I’ll need to test the quality of my own freedom. Am I free from my own doubts, fears, and insecurities? Are you? To believe you can’t contribute towards the liberation of others is to quit before you even begin. Quitting means drowning, but hope and life lies on the other side of faith. The waves will calm, the shoreline will appear, and the rescue boat will throw down its raft. I know that breakthrough is coming.
Until then, just keep swimming.
One of my responsibilities as a long term missionary with Adventures in Missions is to raise support for the organization. If I’m not able to raise enough support to supplement the costs incurred in keeping me on staff, I will not be able to continue serving in my current role as Fellowship Program Director.
It’s my responsibility to form a team of supporters who want to partner with the work that Adventures in Missions is doing for the Kingdom of God. I refuse to stop swimming, and I will do everything in my power to stay here – but I need you to swim with me.
If you are interested in supporting me with a one-time financial gift or a monthly donation, you can do so at the following link:
As the end of the year approaches, I ask that you would prayerfully consider making a year-end contribution towards my support account. All donations are tax-deductible. I have currently raised $1,035 towards my $17,000 annual support goal. I am praying to raise an additional $5000 by the end of this year – will you help me reach that goal?
Thank you for your prayers and support!
